Types of unhealthy conflict

Some see all conflict as bad and unhealthy, but until heaven we are going to have conflict and through Jesus we can have healthy conflict. To help us identify healthy conflict I thought I would start us off looking at unhealthy conflict. Which one best fits you?

There is the avoider: This person avoids conflict at all costs. Adam does this as he is hiding in the bushes. If conflict happens they avoid the subject, what are you talking about, I’m fine, and if pressed they will literally start to walk the other way. They are usually peacekeepers, generally optimistic, and in the midst of conflict just assume it didn’t happen.

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What does repentance mean?

Repentance is a big Bible word that sometimes we think of as feeling sorry, bad, guilty, shame, and much of that is a misunderstanding of repentance. We ultimately have a misunderstanding of repentance because we see want to see ourselves as perfect people that sometimes make mistakes.

When we are wrapped up in perfection repentance of any kind becomes very difficult because we are working and trying so hard to maintain our image of perfection. It creates this constant pressure we live under. We are afraid we might disappoint God. We are afraid we might let someone down. If we are honest with ourselves many of us struggle with this skewed repentance because deep down we want to be perfect. We live under constant duress that every offense, every sin, every conflict is traumatic, unnatural, and horribly threatening because someone or ourselves might find out that we aren’t perfect. If we do finally admit fault then we beat ourselves up, tell ourselves we should have done better, wring our hands and emotions and tell ourselves that it won’t happen again. We think this is repentance, but this is a misunderstanding of repentance.

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Austin Clothing Drive

We just ended our clothing drive for the city of Austin. We were able to raise 50+ 39 gallon bags of clothing for the city of Austin. All clothes will be donated to ARC.

24 Hour Prayer

Every year pastors from around the city of Austin gather to pray for the city. This is the 3rd time I have been and every time it is amazing. There are different denominations, different theological views, and yet everyone is there to pray for spiritual transformation of our city.

Where does conflict come from?

7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings. 8 They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.”

In chapter 2 Adam and Eve were in a loving intimate relationship with God and with one another eating fruits and berries, naked, unashamed, and yet after they eat from the tree it says in verse 7 “the eyes of both of them were opened”. Before verse 7 they were in an age of innocence and Satan whispers into their ear that God can’t be trusted, that God is holding something back, God is trying to keep them from experiencing life, which is what Satan whispers into our ear today. He tempts us to do it, try it, God isn’t real, He doesn’t matter, and it will be so much fun!

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Pornography / Sexuality

Our sexuality is created by God to be a good thing, take place within marriage, serving one another, but in our culture today it has been distorted.

1. How did our sexuality get where it is today?
Scripture teaches us that when we take sexuality out of the fireplace, outside of the marriage, that it will bring pain. This pain started in Genesis 3 when sin enters into human history. In Genesis 2 God looks to Adam and tells him that all of creation is for him to enjoy, but don’t eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Instead of responding in obedience Adam responds in disobedience and sin enters in and it takes all that God created for good and taints, distorts, and corrupts it.

It was created by God to be a good thing and to take place within marriage, however, because of sin the devil has taken it and distorted and corrupted a good thing. God created it for good, and Satan corrupts it. The clearest example of this in our culture today is pornography.

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Talking about sex within marriage?

Our desire as a church is to have strong marriages and we think if we have healthy sex lives in our marriages it will lead to strong marriages. Maybe talking about your sex life is a normal every day experience for you as a couple…great! Sometimes couples won’t talk about these kinds of things because they feel embarrassed, don’t want to hurt feelings, not sure where to start, so we want to help open some lines of communication to get the ball rolling. Consider this a starting point:

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Biblical Understanding of Sexuality

Our sexuality is one of those topics that people don’t like to talk about. People will talk about it socially, medically, scientifically, but we tend not to talk about it in our marriages and especially in the church. As a result we are left with a completely negative connotation. If we avoid talking about it we will ultimately create our own conclusions and instead of creating our own conclusions we want to look to Scripture.

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Are you convinced of your sin?

30 The Pharisees and their scribes began grumbling at His disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with the tax collectors and sinners?” 31 And Jesus answered and said to them, “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick.

There are a couple of observations we can make about this passage. The first is how the Pharisees respond. The Pharisees are the religious leaders of the day and they respond how we might think Jesus would have responded. “Grumbling, complaining annoyed, eating and drinking with sinners.” They had just seen him heal the sick, cure the diseased, and then claim to forgive sins, which are all claims of His deity, and yet now Jesus is sitting with tax collectors. Who does Jesus think He is?

Jesus didn’t claim to be a good person, a good teacher, a prophet, or a religious leader, but God who comes and walks among the lowliest of low and brings a message of forgiveness and purpose. This was completely different than what the religious leaders expected. It was completely different than merely adding religious behavior.

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Finding Romance

When you first meet someone it seems that romance is naturally in the air. So excited to be on a date, hold hands, get to know one another, but sometimes romance can start to fade.

Below are a few points of application to keep the romance alive in your marriage:

Relationship With Jesus: We have to have a relationship with Jesus if we are going to make it in marriage. Until Jesus is central it is going to be an uphill climb. You have two people going in two different directions. We need to start with a relationship with Jesus.

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Avoiding Self-sufficiency

Before we even start we need to do examine any task, challenge, or responsibility and be assured that it lines up with Scripture. If it doesn’t show up in Scripture then it doesn’t matter.

First Response: We pray. Most of the time we see something in scripture we are filled with a variety of feelings. We might feel excited, anxious, fearful, doubt, and we might feel our heart race a little faster. We start thinking, “What if I do it wrong, what if I mess up, what if other people do better than me?” Our mind and heart starts racing and that is why we need to pray. We take those thoughts and feelings to Jesus. Involve Jesus in the conversation as quick as possible. Go to Him with our fear, our anxiety, our doubts, maybe frustrations, or even anger.

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Self-sufficiency

Self-sufficiency is something that is really sneaky that can creep into our spiritual lives before we even see it coming. It is really sneaky, really subtle, and it could stop us before we start. Typically it will reveal itself in 1 of 2 ways:

Arrogance: We look within ourselves and conclude we can do it. We can get it done. Our childhood idol was G.I. Joe and we can make it happen!

Discouragement: We look within and conclude it is impossible. We can’t do this. Our childhood idol was Eeyor and we are going to mess it up.

Both of those responses are an attack against the gospel because it is looking within and based on our resources determining if we can do something or not. That isn’t the gospel. It isn’t our self-sufficiency that gets us to Jesus and it isn’t our self-sufficiency that keeps us with Jesus. Here are some other characteristics of self-sufficiency:
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Nehemiah’s Response

Being involved in the lives of other people isn’t a new concept. It is something God has intended from the very beginning. In the Old Testament there is a an example of Nehemiah who has found himself living in a foreign land, working for a foreign king, and living a very comfortable lifestyle as a cupbearer.

This is written at a time in Israel’s history where their land, homes, and people have been devastated, destroyed, and in verse Hanani (vs. 2) returns from seeing the devastation and informs Nehemiah of their pain.

1 The words of Nehemiah the son of Hacaliah Now it happened in the month Chislev, in the twentieth year, while I was in Susa the capitol, (the capital of Persia) 2 that Hanani, one of my brothers, and some men from Judah came; and I asked them concerning the Jews who had escaped and had survived the captivity, and about Jerusalem. 3 They said to me, “The remnant there in the province who survived the captivity are in great distress and reproach, and the wall of Jerusalem is broken down and its gates are burned with fire.”

Nehemiah is just a regular guy and this letter is basically his journal and in verse 3 it tells us the physical condition of Jerusalem and the people. They are in distress, scared, they are in a crisis, and the wall of Jerusalem is broken down and gates burned with fire. There is a lack of safety and visually the gates are burned and it reminds them of the pain and loss they have experienced as a people. People have either died, been taken, or ran in fear and look at how Nehemiah responds in verse 4.

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3.2.1

One of our goals as a church is that we would be a people who Connect With Others. To help us accomplish this goal we created little cards to challenge and encourage one another.

3 People To Pray For: The first number is 3 and we thought if as a church we were all taking the initiative to pray for 3 people that would be a really powerful experience for our church. It can be a neighbor, it can be a co-worker, a family member, but somebody that you are going to go to battle for spiritually. You notice it doesn’t say when or how often you are going to pray for those people, but it’s our desire that this would be something you keep in your Bible, your purse, your wallet, tape it on your steering wheel as a reminder to pray for others.

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Our Strategy As A Church?

When it comes to starting a church today in the United States 95% of them do so with a traditional promotional marketing strategy. Which means they come into an area, study the demographics, and market their church accordingly, just like any business would market its self.

When I speak to other new churches they tell me they spend $30-50K on marketing. They send mailers, door hangers, billboards, radio spots, magazine ads, and they come into a community and blitz the community with marketing. There is nothing wrong with marketing, but if our focus is a traditional marketing strategy it will create two road blocks:

Not Effective: In North Central Austin we called all the churches in a 2-mile radius and of the 200,000 people living in the area less than 10,000 of them are connected to a local church. Many of them have had negative experiences, many of them are jaded, have been hurt, and a door hanger isn’t able to overcome those past experiences. There will be a few, but in our context, it typically won’t work. We have done some traditional marketing, but less than $2K.

Not Reproducible: The second is that strategy isn’t reproducible for the average Christ follower. The average person isn’t going to call up KISS FM and purchase a radio spot for our church. As a result, the traditional marketing strategy removes the Christ follower from the equation and it isn’t reproducible.

So “What is our marketing strategy?”

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What makes you look pretty?

I have a 5 year old daughter and she is beautiful. This morning she put on one of her dresses that we got her for Christmas. It is a summer dress, but sometimes dresses are so pretty you just can’t wait until the summer. All you have to do to turn a summer dress into a winter dress is add a long sleeve turtle neck and thick leggings and lickety-split, your summer dress becomes a winter dress! And to be fair she is a girly girl who will do anything to wear dresses.

With her new dress on, turtle neck pulled up, and leggings tight she quickly asked me, “Daddy don’t I look pretty in my new dress?” Of course you do I replied. You are beautiful. I walked across the room to her, kneeled down beside her and said, “But it isn’t your dress that makes you pretty.” Do you know what it is? “My body”, she replied. A little caught of guard to hear a little 5 year old girl already so aware of her appearances I said, “No, not your body. Do you know what it is?” She said simply, “No.” I said it’s not your dress, your body, or your hair, but it is your sweet, sweet heart that makes you pretty.

Her face lit up with a smile and she wrapped her arms around my neck really tight. I asked her, “Do you know why its your heart that makes you pretty?”

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Last year with the kids…

Here is a quick video to capture the last year with the kids. Enjoy!

NVC Celebration

Here is a quick snapshot of the last 3 months. It has been fun!

Holidays

Holidays are a great time to connect with family and create some memories. Sure there is some stress, but it is a key time in the family to create traditions and connections with friends and family.

This is a picture from a family outing we had recently. Be sure to take some time around the holidays to create some memories!

A Season Of Hope

Last week I was at Schlotzky’s and I heard this lady next to me talking about her Thanksgiving and she said, ”We spent it with our friends and it was so much fun, because it was with all the people we wanted to be with.”

Sometimes family can make the holidays a little noisy. In every family it is inevitable that there are different expectations around the holidays. Yet, even with all the chaos from traveling, and attending parties, I wish there were a dozen days throughout the year that we would celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ because it is a time when we are reminded of a tremendous amount of hope that is provided to all of humanity.

In Micah 5 we see a clearer picture of this hope:

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How did they miss it?

In Matthew 2 it becomes obvious people knew Jesus was going to fulfill the over 300 descriptions of the promised messiah in the Old Testament.

1 Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, magi from the east arrived in Jerusalem, saying, 2 “Where is He who has been born King of the Jews? For we saw His star in the east and have come to worship Him.” 3 When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, (Why?, there is a new king) and all Jerusalem with him. 4 Gathering together all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Messiah was to be born. 5 They said to him, “In Bethlehem of Judea; for this is what has been written by the prophet: 6 ‘AND YOU, BETHLEHEM, LAND OF JUDAH,
ARE BY NO MEANS LEAST AMONG THE LEADERS OF JUDAH;
FOR OUT OF YOU SHALL COME FORTH A RULER
WHO WILL SHEPHERD MY PEOPLE ISRAEL.’”

The chief priests, the scribes, the magi, Herod the king, all knew Jesus was fulfilling the promise of a coming messiah. Later on in Matthew 2 King Herod even issues a decree to have all children 2 years and under in Bethlehem killed because he knew the promises had been fulfilled in Jesus. A new king was coming!

So how did they miss it?

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What If Christmas Were Different?

One of our tag lines as a church is “What if church were different?” It has been something that has resonated with many and hopefully it creates the possibility that the things that were frustrating before could be different.

So it is with Christmas. Perhaps all the chaos of stress, traffic, shopping, parties, etc. could be different? Here is a video with Advent Conspiracy that helped to capture the difference visually. Hope you like it!

We don’t like church people either…

Recently a friend tells me he was at Brentwood Park with his dog and started talking to someone about the dog fair that we did a month ago. My friend told him he was a part of the church that hosted the dog fair. The guy said, “I hate church people.” My friend said, I don’t like church people either, but I don’t believe in Jesus because of the people, but because of what He has done in me and in the lives of the people around me.

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Country Classics

On the drive to Dallas this morning I was listening to a little Don Williams because who doesn’t love Don Williams? It was one of his classics, “I Believe In Love.” The kids love it! Not really, but there is only so much children’s music you can listen to and I like to think when they grow up they will be able to say, “I liked listening to Don Williams with my dad in the car.” Doesn’t that sound like a fun memory?

Anyways, as we were jamming out to country classics like Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Hank Williams, one of my favorites came on with a little country twang and I noticed one of his lyrics:

Well, I don’t believe that heaven waits,
For only those who congregate.
I like to think of God as love:
He’s down below, He’s up above.
He’s watching people everywhere.
He knows who does and doesn’t care.
And I’m an ordinary man,
Sometimes I wonder who I am.

And I believe in love…it’s a classic. As we drove down the interstate singing as loud as we can in the car with the family I thought Williams articulated a perception of God and eternity that many have in our culture today. He recognizes the disconnection of heaven being only for those who attend church. It doesn’t sit well with him and I can imagine as he wrote the lyrics he must have wrestled with a type of God that is partial to only those who gather on the hours of 10-11am on Sunday. Seems a little short sighted on God’s part, huh?

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Food Drive

We hosted the first Annual Allandale Food Drive and raised 678 lbs. of food which will feed over 500 meals for people over the holidays!

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Michael Dennis

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